Men's Health calls this an article?
Tuesday January 26, 2010 8:22 PM  I spend hours trying to find interesting articles or come up with a good story to comment on. I take pride in the fact that I care about truly offering my subscribers information or some point of view that is of some value in their lives.
It really aggravates me when I see an established site like Men's Health phoning it in with an idiotic article such as this one. 15 Things She Doesn't Want to Hear in Bed. The list was not only useless but it wasn't even funny.
So let me offer some perspective for the guys out there that are having a tough time in the bedroom as I can assure you I have made many mistakes and tried very hard to learn from them. Here is MY list of things you should or shouldn't do in the bedroom.
- Don't talk, do. Talking is for the coffee shop or the sofa. You are in the bedroom because the deal is closed. No more sales pitch is required unless she asks you a question.
- Dirty talk is for established relationships or wives.
- Your mouth should be connected to her body at all times with brief interludes to breathe.
- Don't ask her if she likes it, if she doesn't she will let you know.
- Don't do anything that will cause her to think, if she was thinking she probably wouldn't be in your bedroom in the first place.
- Don't have your bedroom lit up like Yankee Stadium. Women hate light like Vampires because it makes their flaws obvious. Women forget that you are just happy to be getting some because most women are enormously self involved and think you see every flaw that they see.
- TRU TV, Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, ESPN, NESN, SPEED and Sy-Fy Channels are not considered romantic background noise. TURN THE TV OFF unless she wants to watch "adult entertainment." Hip-Hop, R&B and Jazz are all safe bets.
- Take your time, chances are she won't change her mind in the next 30 seconds so no need to panic or rush.
- Don't take too much time dancing around the issue. Women hate having to take responsibility for what goes on in the bedroom if it is a new relationship or a one night stand. If you take too long then she will be less able to claim "that it all happened so fast and before I knew it I was naked."
- If she comes first then she will come back. Warming up a woman in the bedroom is like trying to start a car after a Minnesota snow storm. Turn on the engine, scrape the ice off the windshield, defrost the windows, turn on the heat, rev the engine and then put it in drive. A cold engine is an unhappy one and an unhappy one won't let you start it again.
If you follow these basic guidelines, you should be in the clear. When it is all said and done let her escape to the bathroom first. This is because she wants to see how much damage was done to her hair, makeup and if there are any marks left behind that her parents, co-workers or other potential suitors might find.
I won't get in to all the nuances of saying goodbye after sex since it all depends on the situation. The one thing I will say is that when the circumstances are healthy, your intentions are genuine and both people are honest and up front, the sex is usually good and there is no post game awkwardness.
Stay Sharp! 
2 Comments on "Men's Health calls this an article?" Jenny says: Absolutely true on all ten counts!
Jan 27, 2010 Cat says: Almost all true, with the exception of #7. I'd prefer the noise of SyFy (especially if original series Star Trek, or Battlestar Galactica were playing) over cheesy R&B, offensive Hip-Hop or sleazy jazz any day ;-) But then again, I'm not a normal woman.
Jan 26, 2010
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